LeFT aLoNe

2011-08-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

很久没有post了。

最近可能太忙了，抽不出时间。

某些原因也是因为我有什么不满都跟他倾诉。

所以暂时没有需要写post来解压。

今天，又发生了。

我在读书，他们又在吵架了。

有时我真的觉的，是这种环境让我不能好好安安份份的念书。

虽然这也不是第一次，也不可能是最后一次。

但是我也当然不能说每一次都是他们打扰我。

有时也是自己贪玩，或没心情念书。

我不出声，不代表我认为你对。

是代表我对你的尊敬。

我不会口，不代表我是错的。

是代表我不想挑战你跟我的关系。

两个人一直吵架，双方往往都不会开心。

就所以这样，我不出声。

不代表我同意，不代表我一定错，

不代表我不在意我的家庭。

那么多次，我为了家庭牺牲。

难道那些都不是为了家庭而付出的吗？

我只是不想和你有拉锯战。

不代表我没有被你的字眼刺伤。

常常，都是这样，我被你刺伤。

却什么也不能做。

哑巴吃黄连。

因为你是我的家人。

所以我不出声。

但是就是这些时候，让我觉得，我那些付出，

像倒出去的水，没有得到任何回应。

我不是没有试着改善我们的状况。

可是好像都没有用。

你还是怀疑我，诬赖我。

说我每天只会看着电脑什么都不做。

与其好像是我整天都在玩似的。

这种被亲人重伤的痛。

比谁说的都还要伤人。

2011-06-14T10:01:00.000-07:00

有时我会对我的家庭多少有些怨恨。

怎么不会呢？

我从小，就不太能出门。

不能做很多东西。

不是我考试，我也不能出去玩。

小时候，难免会生气，会埋怨，会不爽。

大了，学会家庭的重要，慢慢已经习惯了这些东西。

慢慢已经学会忍让，少埋怨点，少生气点。

我也慢慢学会自我调整自己的行程。

出去几天，就尽量呆在家里几天陪我妈。

但是就有这些时候，

当我的行程是挤在一起的。

当我需要做个选择的时候，

我老是把家庭放在第一位。

而我也变成了人家的第二位。

毕竟我不能每一次凑空出门。

平常我也不觉得什么。

只是偶尔，有这些时候，

会有一点难过。

会怀疑自己的决定很不值得，

当别人也把你排在第二位的时候。

当别人终于受不了对你发脾气的时候。

不是我不想，也不是我不要。

因为我觉得，上学的时候，我不能陪我妈。

至少在我假期的时候，我就尽量陪她。

毕竟，使人都会有孤单的时候。

而我妈有时那种，一个人，就会觉得孤单的人。

所以，并不是我故意不要跟你们出门。

我连和男朋友出门的时间也没有。

所以也不要怀疑我是重色轻友。

2011-03-07T08:46:00.000-08:00

as much as I wish it wouldnt be like that,

words said,

hurt heart,

leaves a mark,

never to go away.

2011-03-06T07:56:00.000-08:00

最近在为了一个module阅读资料，

越来越觉得我能好好的活在世上是件很幸福的事。

以前常常听见哪里哪里有天灾人祸。

现在天灾人祸已不是人们最大的凶手。

而是人们自己。

人们不合，无法沟通，变成自相残杀，

为了追求报复，利益，伤害无辜。

发现到，我能健全的坐在这里，

有一个完整的家，健康的身体，有一个守护天使，

其实我的生活也挺不赖。

只是我要去怎么看待幸福和快乐的定义。

快乐可以很简单。

看到了一部很好看的电影，

吃到了很久没有吃的一道菜，

生活当中的点点滴滴都能够很快乐。

只是人们要不要把这些小快乐绩少成多的累积起来而已。

至少我知道，我自己是幸福的。

2011-02-20T06:56:00.002-08:00

so many things recently that made my heart melt. :3

teaching me assembly until 230 am, at my house, until we both gonna concuss and knock out.

then he drive back home to sleep.

words cant express how melted my heart feels. haha.

even if he always tells me, that he is sorry he didnt make things for me for special occasions, that he feels bad when he didnt prepare and I gave him something.

i dont find the need for my to receive i guess.

because what i receive from him is not only on special occasions. its every single day. (:

2011-01-19T09:17:00.000-08:00

这是我的部落格的第300。

今天我21岁了。

今年的生日还真的是又多惊喜又多灾多难的一次。
我从来就不太重视自己的生日。我的生日，就是能平平静静的过一天，没有什么事情发生，
我就很满足了。这次，在筹备我自己的生日时，我不止一次很想哭。
很想不再继续筹备，甚至取消整个生日的念头。

从小，我就不是一个想做什么就做什么的小孩。
但是我至少希望，在我生日那天，我还是有选择权。
可是好像也没有。

可是，我再一次在这次的生日上了解，我还是是幸福的。
有一个完整的家，有疼我的家人。虽然有时她们也难免会让我很头痛。
但是这是难以避免的。
有一群很好的朋友。一个守护天使。
其实我也挺幸福的。

生日那天。
看到朋友尽量都赶到，受到很多从心出发的礼物和祝语。
听到一首从心出发的一首歌。
让我整颗心都暖暖的。

其实。生日也能可以这样过。
虽然有很多开心与不开心。但是总觉得就为了那短短的几个小时，
这些都是值得的。

2011-01-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

每过一天，每认识你一天，
越觉得，决定要跟你在一起，
没有错。

可能因为上天看到我在痛，
送一个守护天使来保护我。
让我的日子开始充满了微笑。
让我的生活过得好一点点。

烦人的事还是一样多。
但是找到了一个人，
能够让我觉得，轻松一点，快乐一点。
让我开始觉得，
在我认识你之前，
我的日子是怎么过的。

找到了一个人，
不是一个可以过一辈子的人。
是一个我想和他过一辈子的人。

2010-12-26T08:11:00.000-08:00

朋友问：“你完完全全忘记了吗?”, "你不想他了吗？"

就像他说的。
有可能完完全全忘记吗？
没有很大的可能。
不能装作从来没发生过。
不能让伤口完全消失。
伤口会复原。但是疤痕永远都不会消失。
永远提醒你你有这么一段的回忆。

你有多想他，
是靠你的箱子看得有多紧。
这箱子是装着你们共同的回忆。
箱子看得紧，顽皮的回忆就没有那么容易跑出来逛逛。
箱子看得不紧，就是让回忆有机可乘。
而这都是个人的选择。

如果你不想忘了他。
这么做，都永远不会忘记。
想让自己重新过自己的人生，
那只好把箱子牢牢的锁起来。
但是不可能忘。

2010-12-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

不喜欢做我不想做的事。
但却要去别人做他不想做的事。
有时真觉得认识我也不知道是幸运还是一种不幸。
家世不简单，也不是简单的一两句就能解释得出来。
简单的说，认识我不深的人都不可能深刻的了解我的家世可以带来的困扰。
我只能要求朋友们，的宽恕，的谅解。
虽然有时候还是有朋友对我表示不满。
这不是我选择的。
但也不能完全说不是我的错。

但是你却常常忍让我，
忍让我的不足之处，
忍让我的家世麻烦，
忍让我的无理取闹。

忍让我常常要求你做你不太想要的事。

有时真的让我觉得，
你是上天派来让我好过一点的守护星。
那，
我干吗还是老是做些为难你的事？

2010-12-19T02:07:00.000-08:00

4年前我朋友是这样叙述我的。

你虽然说的笑话一点都不好笑，
你考试的成绩也不怎么理想。
但是，

你没有心机，因为你说话懒得用太多脑。
你为人直率，因为你的脑没有太多地方装谎话。
你不会看一个人的心情来跟他说话，因为你一心只想和他做朋友，
你不懂得分辨好坏对错，因为你对人生的想法是十全十美的。
对你而言，大家都是天使，每个人都对你好，因为你不想用有色眼镜看人。

虽然我现在跟这位朋友也没有以前那么熟，
但是我觉得。我以前就是一个这样的人。
单纯，简单。常被别人骗。
但还是觉得全世界的人都有可取之处，都是好人一个。

可能现在聪明了，没那么容易被人骗。
但是那个总是觉得每个人都是好人的小孩，好像已经不在了。
以前能够帮忙朋友分担不快乐，
现在只会逃避现实。
只能给自己借口说很忙，也不能帮不上什么忙。
现在只是发现，这是让自己比较好过一点的借口而已。

希望，我能找回这样的自己。
一个坚强，能够支持自己，
也能够支持别人。

2010-12-19T00:46:00.000-08:00

packed my room.
gathered all the letters and small sweet things ive gotten from frens.
since i was in primary school i started to gather them together.
my pile is growing. HAHA.

and looking through these letters remind me of the regret i should feel.
losing contact with so many people.
not being there when they needed me.
or maybe they didnt need me around anyway.
losing the bond, with so many friends.
that took years to build up, bit by bit.
people grow up, people change.
and i didnt put in enough effort to stay in their lives.

is it my fault?
not entirely.
but am i faultless?
not exactly either.

sometimes i get tired.
i blame other people.
i say why cant other people make an effort to contact me instead.
why cant other people come and make the change.
then i just realised.
within people's relationships.
there will always be one person making more of an effort to contact the other.
and more often than not. im the person to the other people im complaining about.
and im the passive person to other people who are trying hard to contact me too.
and everyone more or less has roles like this.

so. why cant i just take it,
and make the effort needed to sustain the friendship?
why do i need to weight who has put in more?
is it important? is it affecting?
maybe.
but does it matter?
i dont think so.

i just feel sad. that its my own childish spite that prevented me from a lot of things.
but its part of growing up.
everyone has their regrets.
everyone has things they wish they never did.
whether is it a day ago, a week ago.
a year ago, 10 years ago.
they did something that changed their lives possibly forever.
and probably didnt realise the significance of it.

sometimes i think back.
if i did something else back then.
i chose another path back then.
what would have happened?
maybe there is another me in another universe that chose all the paths i didnt choose.
but i believe.
everything that happens.
you win something. you lose something.
i might have been through some stuff,
and in the process gain knowledge.
i learnt how to do things better.
it might have hurt.
but it taught me something.

now i learnt.
i cant treat people for granted.
since when is effort in a relationship measured with a ruler?
even if they treat me for granted,
what matters is i know, that i tried my best.

been 9 months and counting.
what i know is. i really like the guy.
alot.

2010-07-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

4 months past so fast...
the most interesting thing is it didnt feel like 4 months at all.
seems like i've know you forever.
maybe its cause of the long hours in school,
maybe its cause our characters some how compliment each other.
But nonetheless, I'm glad I went to CEG, glad that I met you, glad I didnt give up on CEG because it was too tough, because your standing beside me pushing me on.

it may sound weird coming from me.
but now i understand why people can know each other for a short period and actually get married.
i used to think it was rash, and not realistic. But I understand why now.
when ur with the right person, everything feels right.
I'm not saying i will be as rash, just that i understand why people feel that way.

2010-06-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

nowadays a lot of things on my mind.

clouding my judgement. i get vexed, frustrated, upset very easily.

every little thing is able to tip me off my balance and start getting upset over the smallest things.

family, fow, friends. Nothing is going smoothly at the moment.

And as the week progresses, I find more and more things.

that upset me. i know your trying really really hard to cheer me up.

and i know its not easy. and im sorry for feeling like that everyday.

i try to perk up, and the next day something else will happen.

a lot of things i do, i dont like myself for doing it.

but its a duty.

because as humans we all have many roles.

as children, as siblings, as seniors, or juniors,

as parents, as friends, as spouses.

many roles. and some of them may be conflicting.

you do things to please a group and u sacrifice another group.

i feel that im sacrificing my friends.

i hate myself for that.

but i havent found a way to get around it.

as much as i love my friends,

family always has to come first.

2010-06-06T02:04:00.000-07:00

finally came back from overseas.

im still trying to get used to weather, after experiencing the cool and rainy weather

in china and hong kong. god knows HOW it can rain ALL day in hong kong.

goodness. i left hong kong for macau, it was raining, when i came back from rainy macau,

it was STILL raining. after spending so much time with my umbrella,

im starting to hate it. hahaha.

trying to take photos or eat while cradling the umbrella is no joke. DX

it was an eventful trip. being stuck in a plane for 9 hours plus

was just plain torture.

i know there are ppl starving out there who are never able to board a plane,

and im fortunate to even be able to go on a holiday,

but really. sitting for a straight 9 hour stretch kills any hint of holiday mood i was able to have.

had a horrible aching back after that. D:

and actually, china's a really nice place.

just some of the occurrences make it seem...

not as enjoyable as it could have been.

and then, basically i had a pretty ok holiday.

and when i landed at changi airport,

and was going to collect the luggage,

i saw a whole bunch of ppl entering the departure gate.

ONE WHOLE BUNCH of guys.

i was just thinking that bunch seems like NS men,

then i saw him. =_=

of all the NS ppl i know...

sigh.

sometimes fate likes to play with you.

the more you try to avoid someone, or things relating to the person,

the more you get reminded of it.

and for my case, its like the world's biggest joke was played on me,

cause i saw the person himself.

the least likely place i was ever to meet him,

and i saw him at the airport. =_=

after avoiding school, avoiding the east west line,

avoiding common friends,

even the place he stays,

and i saw him at the airport. =_=

singapore is sure small.

suddenly i felt helpless, like whatever i have been trying to do

to make myself better was futile.

and for a moment i really felt like crying.

but the place wasnt right for crying,

i didnt feel upset enough to be justified enough to cry.

it was interesting to find out,

that almost a year later,

i could still be so affected by a person.

instantly i could feel the pain in my heart again,

like ironically after spending such a long time to heal it,

it seems it didnt help much. =_=

i know its being mean,

but i cant control it.

and other than seeking for understanding,

i dont know what else i can do.

that day on the way to dinner for birthday celebration,

i still couldnt handle going through the stupid place myself.

on the way there, i could subconsciously hear jiejie and someone else

conversing, but honestly, i have no idea what conversation it was about,

or whether i was engaged in it. basically i was what you call stoning.

on the way back, i held his hand tightly.

i dont understand why im still like this.

ironically, maybe i was really stronger when i was younger.

and as i got older, i forgotten how to harden my heart,

slowly took away the defensive walls,

forgot how to protect myself.

and now im undergoing the consequences.

thought of the day.

2010-05-21T12:29:00.001-07:00

trust.
its a difficult thing to manage in this world. especially since people all over the world are starting to be overly xenophobic and distrustful of everyone around them. but as our society evolves so, its no wonder this happens.

and why this happens is because in pursuit of being the first in the rat race, many of us have abandoned baggage in order to become lighter, to run faster than other rats. unfortunately these baggage, are forgiveness, tolerance, moral values, sincerity, honesty, and so on and so forth.

its not to say everyone is aiming to run ahead in the rat race, or that everyone has forsook all these. that will be too extreme.
but I believe many people, including me, have weighed all these against their own desires. and sometimes, their desires may have won out. with all these values not as treasured or as emphasized by society, its not surprising why people are suspicious and distrusting towards others. what has our world become?

相信一个人需要勇气。
很多人可能认为容易信任别人傻。
但是最有勇气的其实是这些人。

2010-05-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

its been long since i chilled out so much.

i dropped my books the day my exam ended,

some of them are still on my table where its waiting for me to clear them to

the top of my cupboard.

i totally couldnt even be bothered to pack them in.

i just made my table barely clear of enough stuff for my mum to be

tolerant enough of the "mess", then left the stuffs as it is.

haha. becoming lazy.

and im having a good break.

watching tv.

not turning on my laptop. ((:

but these 2 weeks are pretty busy.

cause im leaving for holidays soon.

so a tad hectic for this period.

but im sure when im back im more free to catch up with my frens.

jap starts on fri. T.T

dieeeee. its been so long since i touched jap... @_@

2010-05-13T10:11:00.000-07:00

i honestly cant rmb the last time i had a fierce argument with my mum.

with my dad its worse, its either silence or volcano. and it both me and dad volcano erupting at the same time. cause my parents really. know where it hurts worse when it comes to arguing.

i dunno when i started to learn,

to forgive and relent. to understand my parent's pain and motivations.

but sometimes, maybe some will say childish times,

i still stick to my beliefs and principles, and ideals, and refuse to relent.

i admit some decisions i made despite opposition i will never regret.

shooting is one of them.

i had a lot of pain, anguish going through a lot of things before i could shoot.

and i endured through all of it.

because i really liked shooting.

even though now im not shooting anymore, cause i didnt want to have an

additional thing to constantly argue with mum, and i didnt have cca as an excuse.

but i didnt regret all that i have been through.

thats exactly why.

the day of nationals. i cried.

in front of my team mates, ms fau, my cca teachers, the coach.

when i hated to cry in public, with ppl around.

cause i was indignant. and irritated that despite all that.

i was blamed for my result.

and the reason was. i didnt work hard enough or train enough.

pah. everyone knew my sacrifices, except her.

the one who blamed me for her failure. (not my mum. some person i cant name for various reasons. )

even with all this, i regret making alot more. doing a lot of things due to spite.

not giving enough thought to what im saying or doing as i was emotionally upset.

some close frens tell me im outsidely happy but deep inside im a super emo kid.

maybe its cause of the frustrations i get as a kid, hidden deep within.

despite many years of being able to release it, i guess i havent learnt.

im not saying i have bad parents.

it just, we didnt learn how to communicate properly even after 20 years.

i realised i learnt to bypass her arguments, instead of directly addressing it.

and time and again, i lost the chance to learn how to communicate properly.

because i got agitated, because i was upset that i got hit at a raw nerve again.

like i told my brother. i dont get angry at people i dont care for.

i dont see the need to.

i dont like to argue with people. i complain. sure i do.

i know its a bad habit i need to kick.

but i avoid conflicts at all costs.

people who piss me off, i treat them as invisible.

if there is a need, i will be cordial.

but i wun argue with them, unless i happen to be in a really bad mood.

cause their not worth my breath.

but. i need to learn to grow up,

stop being so childish,

to learn to let go.

even if i feel it isnt right.

cause it's family.

cracks that are made.

even if glue is used to patch them up,

the groundwork has been gone.

2010-05-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

i seem to have a 3 month holiday. seem.

but after agar-ly plotting out the time lines of the various activities...

i think. my holiday shrank. i dunno if i even have any time for myself. T.T

oh well. i chose this. persevere.

2010-05-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

tmr last ppr. FINALLY. hell is going to end soon. XD

saw a NS man walk past me at the mrt station.

suddenly thought of you.

wanted to msg, to ask, as a friend,

to check how are you,

how are uni applications.

somehow didnt dare to.

maybe its cause i didnt feel like i was in the position to msg.

maybe its cause i didnt really feel the need to knock myself

off the equilibrium i finally managed to reach.

no need to make myself randomly upset and in the end

upsetting other ppl as well.

plus, i was afraid you wouldnt reply,

or reply with a nonchalent tone, and somehow it might affect me again.

now its as if we are strangers again.

i feel more comfortable msging a stranger than to type out a msg to you,

and successfully press the 'send' button.

amazing isnt it. how people can become strangers so easily.

trying hard to pretend the person never existed.

or trying hard to avoid meeting the person again for various reasons.

not that im emoing.

this is just a random thinking session...

just felt crushed that even after so long,

i still find it a struggle to ask a simple 'how are you'.

2010-05-02T07:46:00.000-07:00

tired studying 1102. i tink im really drained out alr.

saturation point. i cant seem to absorb annything anymore. )):

when are my holidayysss cominggg? DDDDD:

just try my best for tmr ppr baaaa.

happy 2 months mr endangered. :D

2010-05-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

im draining outtttttttttttt.

my holiday is 3 days away.

but i dont feel the enthusiasm of having holidays yet.

cause i have still 2 walls to cross till u get there.

the worse thing is, i seem to lack the energy to scale the wall.

i just wanna sit at the corner and gasp at how tall the wall is.

T.T im lacking the momentum to muggggggg.

not like i dont want to. i just cant get back the rhythmmm.

))))):

last 2 pprs liao. hooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww?

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

Order Made - by Radwimps

Kitto boku wa tazuneraretandarou
Umareru mae dokoka no dareka ni
Mirai to kako dochira ka hitotsu wo
Mireru you ni shite ageru karasa
Dochi ga ii? Dochi ga ii?

Soshite boku wa kako wo erandandayo
Tsuyoi hito yori, yasashii hito ni
Nareru you ni, naremasu you ni to
Omoi de tte nandaka wakaru you ni

Tsudukete dareka san wa boku ni iu
Ude mo, aishi mo, kuchi mo, mimi mo, me mo
Shinzou mo, oppai mo, hana no ana mo
Futatsudutsu tsukete ageru kara ne
Iidesho? Iidesho?

Dakedo boku wa onegai shitanda yo
Kuchi wa hitotsu dake de iindesu to
Boku ga hitori de kenkashinaiyou ni
hitori to dake kisu ga dekiru you ni

Wasuretai, demo wasurenai, konna omoi wo nanto yobu no kai?

Sukoshi fukigen na kao no sono hito wa
Mata shikata naku hanashi hajimeta
Ichiban daiji na shinzou wa sa
Ryoumune ni tsukete ageru kara ne
Iidesho? Iidesho?

Matamata boku wa onegaishitanda
Osore irimasu ga kono boku ni wa
Migigawa no shinzou wa iri masen
Wagamama bakari itte sumimasen
Boku ni taisetsu na hito ga dekite
Sotto dakishimeru toki hajimete
Futatsu no kodou ga chanto mune no
Ryougawa de naru no gawa karu you ni

Hidari wa boku no de, migi no wa kimi no
Hidari wa kimi no de, migi wa boku no
Hitori ja doko ka kaketeru you ni
Hitori de nado ikiteikanai you ni

Wasuretai, demo wasurenai
Konna omoi wo nanto yobu no kai?
Mune ga sawagashii, demo natsukashii
Konna omoi wo nanto yobu no kai?

Souieba saigo ni mou hitotsu dake
Namida no opushon (option) wo tsukeyou ka
Nakutemo zenzen shishou wa naikedo
Ryoutou dakaratte tsukenai hito mo iru yo
Dousuru? Dousuru?

Soshite boku wa onegai shitandayo
Tsuyoi hito yori, yasashii hito ni
Nareru you ni, naremasu you ni to
Taisetsu tte nandaka wakaru you ni
Jaa, chinami ni namida no ajidake doomo
Kimi no suki na aji wo erandeyo
Suppaku shitari, shoppakushitari
Karaku shitari, amaku shitari
Doredemo suki nano wo erande yo
Dochi ga ii? Dochi ga ii?

Nozomi doori subete ga kanaerareteiru no desho
Dakara namida ni kureru sono kao chanto misete yo
Saa hokorashige ni misete yo

Hontou ni arigatougozaimashita
Iro iro otekazu wo kakemashita
Saigo ni hitotsu dake ii desu ka?
Dokkade oai shita koto arimasu ka?

English translation :

I think I must have been asked this once.
Before I was born, by someone, somewhere.
"Choose one: the past, or the future,
And I will allow you to see it.
Which will it be?
Which will it be?"

And I probably decided on the past.
So that, rather than just strong, I could become kind, become kind.
So that I could understand what memories are.

Next, that 'somebody' told me this.
"I'll give you arms and legs and mouths and ears and eyes,
Hearts and breasts and nostrils.
I'll give you two of each one.
Isn't that great?
Isn't that great?"

But then I made a request.
I said, I'd be fine with just one mouth.
So I wouldn't argue with myself;
So I could only kiss one person.

I want to forget.
But somehow, I can't.
What do you call this kind of feeling?

Looking a little disappointed,
The person continued with his explanation.
"The hearts are most important,
So I'll put one behind each of your breasts.
Isn't that great?
Isn't that great?"
　
But, once more, I had a request to make.
I'm awfully sorry, but to be honest,
I really don't need a heart on the right.
Sorry to keep troubling you like this.

It's so that when I find that one special person,
And hold her close to me for the first time,
Only then will I finally be able to feel
Two hearts beating, one on each side.

The left one mine, the right, yours.
The left one yours, the right, mine.
So that alone, I'll always be lacking something.
So that I won't be able to just go on living alone.

I want to forget.
But somehow, I can't.
What do you call this kind of feeling?

My chest is pounding,
Yet somehow it seems familiar.
What do you call this kind of feeling?

"Ah, that reminds me, there's one last thing.
Would you like us to add in tears as well?
You'd have no problems without them,
But some people find them annoying, so they opt out.
What would you like?
What would you like?"

In the end, I asked him to add them in.
So that, rather than just strong, I could become kind, become kind.
So I could understand what it means to hold something dear.

"Oh, while we're at it, the tears will need a flavour.
So I'd just like you to choose which one you'd prefer.
We have sour, salty, spicy, sweet.
You can choose whichever you like.
Which will you have?
Which will you have?"

Everything was put together just as requested,
So wipe those tears away and let me see your face.
Come on, show it to me with pride.

Thank you so much for everything.
Sorry to have caused you so much trouble.
But could I just ask one last thing?
"Have we met somewhere before?"

2010-04-21T11:58:00.000-07:00

despite the stress im in studying for exams,

watching webcast is hilarious.

YEH. HILARIOUS.

the irony.

studying for maths was DEFINITELY NOT MEANT to be hilarious.

not when i saw the tutorial questions.LOL.

things like :

"the logistic model suggests that even if 1/4 of a tiger is left, it will still bounce back to B/S,

the equilibrium population"

-how on EARTH they recover 3/4 a tiger befuddles me. they thinking amoeba?! =.=

"rabbits are not immortal."

- YESH i KNOW rabbits are not immortal. it doesnt take much of any form of intelligence to derive that conclusion. LOL.

"So in order to help prevent overfishing, when you go to the market you ask the fish monger what is the birthrate per capita of the fish before you choose what you want to buy. "

"i.e the fish monger replies : before humans starting fishing it's birthrate per capita is XXX million and now it has 300 left. "

- SURE. i can imagine what will happen in the wet market. totally.

e.g.

me: "auntie how many fish are still being born for XXX fish? enough for them to regenerate?"

auntie: "siao gin na!" *slaps with fish*

me: *sobs* T.T i was just trying to save the fishhhh from becoming extinct~

TO BE CONTINUED~

2010-04-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

Kopped from kura who found sth on fb.

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Bloody funny.

2010-04-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

Well i guess the fact im blogging lesser either means,

im dying from sch, or im actually mugging hard...

or both. hahaha.

these few weeks. ALOT of things happen.

esp these 2 weeks. i suay until a 境界 alr.

its like suay until. walk can fall down, stand up can knock into sth,

everything i do also 不顺 like that. =.=

sian. even missed Oral Defence. Totally concussed.

heng got make up. T.T

PIXARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

if i miss pixar i will be damn RAWR. DAMN DAMN RAWR.

at least i suay until wanna die lemme go pixarrrrr.

even if i miss s.h.e AGAIN, let me go pixarrrrrrrrr. T.T

long time since i felt comfortable...

felt at peace, felt that everything will be ok,

no matter how bad it seems to be at the moment.

someone to share my joy, share my sadness, be there.

thank you.

2010-04-03T07:26:00.001-07:00

just randomly saw a carton of the chrysanthemum tea on the shelf
and i starting to be reminded of a lot of things.
T.T
such a stupid object reminding me of so much.
sigh.

i thought you would understand.
or at least i wished it.
i know its not so easy to understand.
but it was a wish.

喜欢装没事其实最累了
但我清楚很多事哭了也没用
- 少了一个人 (S.H.E)

2010-04-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

recently dunno whats wrong with me.

tired, not enough sleep,

cannot wake up,

forever doing work, which for some reason never seems to stop,

cannot meet frens, cause everyone also rushing work,

and in the process neglecting A LOT A LOT OF PPL.

today is like the whole mountain of pent up frustrations just collapsed.

just flooded today.

dunno why my mood suddenly change so fast,

or rather i dunno why my mood recently change very fast.

emo to happy to irritable.

changing like the wind.

but lucky after that i felt a little less stressed than the past few days.

a little.

this has been a crazy week.

but, last week has been a crazy week too.

generally, this period is super xiong.

the work is piling up but it never seems to end.

and my tutee's exam period is clashing with mine. T.T

seriously not helping things at all.

i actually went for 2 CG1108 labs this week.

probably going for another 2 next week.

sigh.

i need to hang on.

someone throw me a life vest.

oh wait. everyone is dying in the sea too.

heck it. *swims towards shore*

even though i almost spoilt your mood.

thanks for being there.

even though you said there was no need to thank you,

thank you. :D

2010-03-31T11:35:00.000-07:00

recently really tired.

everyday having difficulty waking up. @_@

and its not as if im not sleeping enough.

i seem to be sleeping. i guess.

but doesnt seem to help at all.

im in a constant state of fatigue.

hell knows why.

and this week, with canvassing,

everything is packed together,

1108,1102, fow canvassing.

feel like my attention is split so many times,

i cant see it anymore...

*hello where are youuu?*

but even with this stress period,

occasional bouts of happy happy everyday. :D

2010-03-25T07:31:00.000-07:00

nice dinner todayyy. :DDDDDDDDDDDDD

2010-03-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

fri : got er. distracted from mugging. but oh well. not as if i was in the mood to mug.

THEN, just as i was about to leave... *rain pours*

=_='''

then had to wait and wait.

trying to pray the rain stops soon.

then it poured harder. ):

so. i decided to change route home.

took to clementi,

then. the train crawl like turtle. =_='''

but thank god for that,

cause it gave me the opportunity to meet j.

if not i normally also wun go by that route.

things like this are amazing.

makes you think of the things you have done,

whether every choice and option you make

affects your path now.

if i had taken this route instead of that.

if i had done this instead of that.

if i had been less rash.

if i had given myself more time to think.

what would have happened then?

and how would it affect other people

and my experience with them?

and,............she gave me

ICEEEEEEEEEE CREAMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUU!~~~

chocolate ice cream.

super high high high on fri. XD

sat : exam + bowling.

exam - CUI.

bowling - also CUI.

realised after playing bowling for so long...

that my method of playing has never been right.

=_='''

no wonder i always end up hurting my wrist

whenever i play bowling.

oh well. im not cut out for bowling.

but me and jiejie and lulu 3 kee siao ppl

laughed like siao.

at all our longkaos,

at the random and occasional jingmei/lulu's strike and spare.

then we will *WOOOOTTTSSS!*

and then everyone else will o.o

cause our score like CUI we still so self high.

ROFLMAO.

then eat macaron!!!!!!!!!!!~~~

wheeeeee. :3

nice food.

sun : the treasure hunt thingy.

didnt win anything but it was pretty fun.

tired also.

whole weekend never do anything.

tmr sure die. ):

then check 1231 result.

T.T

no mood do anything.

im landing myself in a vicious cycle. ):

and eating ice cream at 11pm at night.

emo eating. ):

i got no common sense. =_='''

i get it. ):

sian. go sleep.

tmr then settle. sigh..T.T

btw, just now sth uber funny happened at my granparent's house.
grandad gave my bro some food. placed it on his palm.
it looks sorta olive greenish kinda cube like thingy...
grandpa : chocolate. eat.(in hokkien)
bro, me and cousin. *stares intently*
(thinking : CHOCOLATE??!)
*stares somemore*
suddenly my cousin went : HOMG STOCK CUBE!
and i simultaneously went : LUO HAN GUO CUBE!
*points in horror*
then the conclusion is -> it was an ikan bilis stock cube.
=_='''
chocolate... =_='''
so salty can. if my bro ate it. ROFL.

2010-03-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

cheesy pickup lines :

(some of them are plain ROFLMAO. lol )

Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! i tink i will die laughing first.oops.super cheesy.)

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

Wow. (apparently... this IS a pickup line. lol. and 30 of 100 is successful. 30%.heh.)

Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.

Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

(this one is cute. haha.)

If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.

Go up to the person and ask for their hand. Draw a line across it and explain that its a really big river, and the bunny on this side (doesn't matter) really needs to get to the other side. Ask how he does it. Give cute little answers as to why the bunny can't cross the river (i.e., ...bunny jump in river, bunny goes *glubglubglub*.) When the person finally asks how the bunny is supposed to get across, give them the cute puppy eyes and say "I don't know, I just wanted to hold your hand."

(I KNOW THIS ONE! yingqi played on me before.haha.)

Can I take your picture? (Why?) Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.

Please do not be alarmed if a big man wearing a red suit picks you up and throws you into a bag. (Why?) Because I asked for you for Christmas.

If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.

Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my ass? A damn little kid with wings shot me.

Disclaimer : using these does not ensure that u will succeed with the date you want, your crush, someone you like,and please do not try cause some of this are just plain FUNNY.roflmao. so the person is highly likely to just laugh AT you and not WITH you. haha.

2010-03-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

saw today on the bus home an ad:

"Long journeys? No worries! Get a Heaven and Earth Ice Lemon Tea!"

ROFLMAO. firstly the ad has got like NO LINK.

what does travelling on the bus got to do with ice lemon tea?! =.=

besides. its ironic cause on the bus there is this

"no food and drinks allowed" sign. ironic. hahahaha.

i miss lit.

miss learning pride and prejudice, laughing to death interpreting

the book, seeing how Elizabeth's mum embarrass herself to death

without knowing it. ROFL.

miss spamming mr wee with consultations,

miss having fun with dr S during consultations.

YESH its a consultation but its funny. :D

miss discussing P n P with so many different people,

talking like all the characters in the book were alive.

miss reading and analyzing othello,

cursing at iago,

cursing at how stupid othello is,

cursing at how blind everyone in the play is.

but still having fun. :3

2010-03-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

suddenly feel like isolating myself from the rest of the world.

an incomprehensible sense of irritation that makes me

tempted to hide somewhere from everyone and

never come out.

2010-03-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

i wished it didnt feel so much like the last time.

didnt feel so familiar,

didnt make me feel even more scared.

didnt make me feel so helpless,

cause i cant manage my emotions properly.

wished that the movie of memories,

can stop repeating whenever i see certain things,

certain places,

so i can stop being reminded of all this,

so i can move on,

and stop hurting someone else in the process.

i am such an idiot. RAWR.

2010-03-12T09:42:00.001-08:00

nodame is a disappointing movie. ):

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

im disappointed with the movie director.

he MANUALLY split the movie into 2 parts.

LIKE HOMG. ):

i expected the ending to be smoother. ):

oh well. i guess i was really too excited to be

watching nodameee. ):

but today generally happy happy. (:

2010-03-11T09:03:00.000-08:00

The lab4 demo is finally over.

Never felt so disgusted with a particular person ever before.

straining the limits of my temper.

really trying hard not to blast the the person.

exhausted doing this lab.

lab5 has been released.

*gulp*

i know i am being unfair.

that maybe i didnt make the most optimal decision

at that time and circumstance.

but i made my decision.

and im trying my best to keep up with my decision.

trying really hard.

but at times like this,

i really feel angry at myself.

for not handling things better,

for not being able to handle myself better.

for feeling this way everytime

i get reminded.

for feeling scared.

for feeling this overwhelming sense of deja vu.

that seems familiar yet foreign.

and not being able to stop myself from crying.

i tink its the stress from sch.

everything has been getting to me.

2010-03-10T12:20:00.001-08:00

horrible week. coding and coding non-stop.

even dreams are flooded with coding.

this is insane.

I AM GOING INSANE.

the last time i slept so late was LAB 5.

and TECHNICALLY.

this is just lab 4.

and im lagging behind in tutorials again.

this cycle will never end.

filtering messages just now.

and I saw some older messages that i happened to keep.

and suddenly feel a sense of deja vu at the busstop.

then i suddenly feel the urge to cry.

felt the fear i felt 2 years ago surface again.

then after a while. im ok again. =.=

i tink i have a commitment phobia.

RAWR.

i shall try to keep myself sane till friday.

COME COME COME FRIDAYYYYY.

2010-03-05T09:32:00.000-08:00

i am an IDIOT! =.=

dunno what the HECK i was doing.

genius at always doing the wrong things.

2010-03-03T10:09:00.000-08:00

happy happy. :3

its a bit late to post now.

but yeh. :333

still have some mixed feelings though.

didnt want to feel this way.

but dont tink i can help it.

need to slowly purge it out. :D

2010-02-26T07:37:00.000-08:00

this few days happy happy.

i feel drained everyday.

and tired, and have severe lack of sleep.

but generally happy happy. :3

2010-02-24T08:48:00.000-08:00

Somehow, uni life makes my fuse damn short.

it shortens my tolerance level.

for a lot of things.

got irritated by a very small issue today.

its a puny issue.

not even worth mentioning.

but i got upset for quite a while.

only music managed to calm me down,

return me to my normal state.

dont understand why i did.

my level of tolerance used to be much higher,

and this is an issue so small its not even

worth bothering.

something i will always tell my friends to

"dont care cause its just a small thing"

a lot of things i used to be able to do,

for my family, for my friends,

i am not capable enough to do now,

or i want to help, but it is simply out of my reach

cause of my busy schedule.

what i fear most,

that i cannot do anything to help my friends.

Even if i see them in pain, i see them miserable,

my heart bleeds for them,

but i cannot do anything to help.

the only help i can give,

is an attempt to meet,

an attempt to talk to them more often,

to hug them, and to console them when they cry.

i feel angry at myself whenever this happens.

but i know its not something that is within my control.

its not something that i can do just because

i wish for it.

im doing things i dont like to do, but i need to.

i cant do things that i want to do, because i need to do those

that i need to.

what is 'need'?

how is it defined?

when your friend cries, or

is not in a good state,

is it a 'need' for u to address this first?

or to settle your own exam,

your own schwork?

i am sorry friends.

im not being a good enough friend.

i am not able to do all i can for you.

i apologize.

2010-02-20T08:22:00.000-08:00

even as technology advances, and there is so many ways you can communicate

with a person now.

with sms, msn, email, skype, twitter. etc

but nothing beats a call,

a talk face to face,

a handwritten letter.

it shows you that the person cares enough to make the extra effort.

rather than just a virtual greeting.

i may neglect my friends sometimes by doing these virtual stuff,

but I try my best.

2010-02-20T06:54:00.000-08:00

i liked fri,

fri 19th feb 2010.

we went to mass bainian.

won money, played, had fun, laughed and joked.

played rock band. (:

went lulu house play blackjack.

go chenyang house feed till bao bao.

then go zq house play so much.

and for the one time since we started the recess week,

not a single thing from sch came into my mind. :3

glad to have such a bunch of friends. :D

long time since i played so hard. but i really enjoyed

myself on friday. :3333333

2010-02-17T06:51:00.000-08:00

how i wish, things were much simpler.

how i wish, i was back as a kid, when i cry for food,

when i cry for hugs, when i cry because my diaper needs changing.

when i grow up,

i dont cry as much anymore.

and similarly, my motivations for crying are no longer as simple as it once is.

The older i get, the more truth i see of the world,

and the more i feel that the world is ugly by nature.

is just, when you're young, all these is hidden behind a veil.

and the older you get, the more of the veil is revealed.

and the more you feel the adult world is much scarier.

and the conflicts you once saw between adults,

they are no longer as simple as you thought when you were young.

It contains a lot of background.

so much that when you start to learn about it,

you realise you dont really want to know.

that you rather the conflicts were as simple as you thought it was.

ignorance is bliss.

2010-02-15T09:25:00.000-08:00

i have a lot of emotions flowing through tonight.

but for some reason, i cant seem to find a way to

express them at all.

talking about it today after a long time,

but it didnt feel any different. still feels like how i felt not long ago.

I was agitated when i was saying it.

but i wasnt angry at you. not really.

the worse thing is im angry and upset about the situation,

and how it turned out,

but i can never muster enough energy to be angry at you.

Its like being angry with yourself,

drains your energy out but nothing much has been achieved.

feels weird tonight.

i dont feel upset,

but i dont feel too good either.

maybe i was right.

we wouldnt last pass this,

we wouldnt last pass university anyway.

might be better for everyone like that.

i might be in self denial,

but i dunno how much more of this

i could have handled then.

or now,

or in the future.

suddenly likes sunflowers a lot.

and daisies, and smiley yellow flowers.

i missed the times when I smiled because

i was genuinely happy.

not because i was trying to cover up my sadness.

the times when i laughed because i felt happy,

because i felt like it.

the sunflower turns 48 minutes slower than the sun

2010-02-13T10:37:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is valentine's day.

Cum chinese new year.

First time since j1 im spending vday sort of alone.

but yeh im alright alr.

i guess.

lemme have a nice day tmr. :3

2010-02-12T10:33:00.000-08:00

Getting upset is when you know something is wrong and you

cannot solve it, or when you know how to solve it but you cant solve it.

for some stupid reason or another.

so actually. nothing is worse getting upset about.

but i cant help it. unfortunately.

today was a bad day.

let my cny be a good day.

i shall try and be a hermit.

(*crosses fingers)

2010-02-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

Time is the enemy.

Not enough time for sleep,

to rest well, to do work, to meet people,

to have personal time.

Recently I am always racing against time.

I am tired. But I dont have a choice.

And the lack of time is making me lose contact

with the people I hold close to my heart,

and who I believe used to hold me in the

same place. But I guess now its not the same.

Oh well.

I cant expect everyone to treat things the

same way I do.

Was happy seeing all the happy faces today.

Seeing each person happy when they received

the small gift was an extra motivation to me.

Seeing my friends happy, make me happy.

Makes me happy cause I made someone smile.

Makes all my effort worthwhile.

Thanks guys.

Happy seeing choy and ph today.

Laughing all the way, like we used to do

on the way to school.

Crapping about random stuff with choy,

hiding behind the menu stalking ph.

Things other people will will deem as insane,

or feel that we are out of our minds.

But I feel happy doing these stuff with SDS,

laughing at the harvey norman tune,

doing stupid stuff makes me feel my life is

not just NUS, and my degree, and my schwork.

For once in a long time, I actually feel like

I have a life.

Thanks SDS. lets meet more often,

I WILL TRY. (CROSSES FINGERS*)

2010-02-06T08:43:00.000-08:00

these few weeks my emotion upswing quite large.

like tsunami like that. a while ago, it will be calm and smooth.

then it will suddenly fluctuate.

and then suddenly go back to normal again.

started with ironing the uniform.

how can anyone have such an emotional reaction to the

sch uniform? i agree.

but unfortunately i was such a person.

i never ironed my mjc uniform so fast before.

trying hard to keep the tears from falling.

but after a while,

i feel like normal again.

and then seeing his classmate at harbourfront.

in a circumstance i didnt want.

that might create problems.

but oh WTH. doesnt matter anymore anyway.

i didnt talk long. felt bad. but i was really scared

she will mention him.

and i dunno how i will react.

shall not cry in some random mrt/outdoor location.

im sick of it.

so i avoided her.

and then. today i passed by simei again.

mum was chatting with me,

and as it approached simei.

i could consciously feel myself

breaking apart inside.

slowly and silently,

without mum knowing.

i only felt better after we passed by simei.

it was as if i could actually breathe again,

and as if i held my breathe through the

whole station.

dont know why my emotions keep switching

these days. but i guess its far better than long

termed emo bouts. at least this is short,

and doesnt take long for me to recover.

heard this on tv today :

不要哭。

在哭就代表你还爱他，

你还想他。

so does it mean if i dont anymore,

this doesnt apply?

i dont think so.

unfortunately.

i wish life was like 1231,

true or false.

simple and straightforward.

no gray areas.

2010-02-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

found this by accident:

"43 things a girl wished her boyfriend knew."

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

#2 When she misses you, she's hurting inside.

#11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don't say a word.

#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.

#30 When she says she's OK, don’t believe it, talk to her about it, because 10 yrs later she'll still remember it.

#33 Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

#37 Let her into your world.

Guys sometimes wonder whats insides girl's brains. Why some of us behave a certain way they can never comprehend.

And at times they can only scratch head and wonder what went wrong.

Deny it, but its true.

And the cute thing is, girls feel the same way too.

They feel (O.O) at some of the things guys do too.

So, yes, complain all you want about your girlfriend/female good friend.

But its mutual. (:

2010-01-28T09:11:00.000-08:00

family has the greatest ability to stir up emotions in a person.

regardless whether you like it anot.

even if you are self-deluding,

this is a valid statement.

even if your family has treated you badly,

unconsciously you still care.

you always behave badly with the people you love the most,

and sometimes treat strangers better than you treat them.

2010-01-23T10:09:00.001-08:00

i still dont know how to face you.

cause it still hurts.

i dunno if i should allow you to be nice,

even if you dont mean it,

or just go away,

disappear.

and not talk to you.

when i got ur msg on my birthday.

i smiled. for a second.

then i felt the pain again.

how long it took us to realise what

we had was irreplaceable,

and prob will never be again.

ah whatever.

i shall just mug.

ignore.

2010-01-19T06:27:00.000-08:00

19012010

today is the day im TWO.

saw so many 2 candles today and yest.

im amused.

LOL.

THANKS EVERYBODY WHO WISHED ME,

BOUGHT PRESENTS,

BOUGHT CAKE,

ANNOUNCED MY BDAE IN LECT,

GAVE CARD!

XDDDDDD

ARIGATO GOZAIMASU! (:

had quite a few shocks these 2 days.

my heart weak ah.

keep scaring me.

HAHAHAHA. but thanks a lot of the nice things

everyone has been planning for me.

the presents, the well wishes,

treating me VERY expensive food. XD

first wenyi and her box of presents.

SO SWEET DEAR WENYI!!

i like the eeyore. a lot. XD

and then the sushi tei treat.

which i kept reciting as expensive food,

and YESH it is expensive.

But still, THANKSSS! XD

and the green carebear. (:

(i saw a car with a whole row of carebears

today. so cool sia. got mine, jiejie's and kura's.)

and then the whole bunch of fb and sms's that i received.

im really tempted to type out everyone's names,

all the nice ppl that wished me.

but the list, is far too long.T.T

i lazy. psps.

marion skyping me "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

even though she was busy.

wan lin wishing me happy birthday even though

she wasnt in a fantastic mood.

The surprise at lecture,

with a "happy birthday cherlia"

on the lecture slide.

i was stunned. O.O

but yeh. a really nice surprise,

cause i was dozing off before that so

i obviously jerked awake...LOL.

the domokun in sports attire,

that almost ended up like metoo...

but yeh. i have one more addition

to the domo family! XD

xiuqi, merilyn and huiwen's

toy camera! XDDDDDDDD

HOMG SO COOL. XD

and xiuqi the delivery auntie.

even though she is busy with project,

probably tearing her hair out,

but came to deliver the present.(:

elina surprising me with a slice of cake.

so unexpected.

so sweet.

and the fish and co. "shock"

i received at dinner.

the msg coming at 10pm,

2 hours before 12am,

even though i thought he will forget.

j's call even though she was busy and

needed to do stuff.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING AGAIN.

so touched by everything. XD

and i truly had a happy happy day today.

happiest of 2010 by far. (:

the past 3 weeks wasnt fantastic,

and today was really great! XD

felt so :3 today. XDDDDD

2010-01-16T08:39:00.000-08:00

i like this song. XD
yes emo song but its nice.
and its YOUNHA'S song. XD

and it feels like what i felt before.

and i like marshmellows. (:

Broke Up Today - Younha

Younha - 오늘 헤어졌어요 [Broke Up Today]

After covering my face with a white muffler
I waited for you as I blinked my blood shot eyes
Those words I wanted to say
But not quite sure what they are
An awkward nod with a tightening throat

As we take a step back, the empty space between us is filled with tears.
I angrily exclaimed, “Go.”
And it seems like that I’ve already fled far far away...

Broke up today, we’ve broken up today
If you think you can understand my heart, then please cry with me
I suppose I can’t be the one, I suppose it’s a no
How much longer do I have to cry until you’ll love me properly ?

Your heartbeats echo in my eardrum
The lips locked away, gets clearer
Since when and where did we drift apart
When you’ve loved me till yesterday

Broke up today, we’ve broken up today
If you think you can understand my heart, then please cry with me
I suppose I can’t be the one, I suppose it’s a no
How much longer do I have to cry until you’ll love me properly ?

I was so happy, I was so happy it pained more
I hate myself for getting tricked by love

I should have stayed and told you I was hurt
Our memories of love that should be holding you back
You live tomorrow and I today
No one, nothing can make me smile

Broke up today, we’ve broken up today
If you think you can understand my heart, then please cry with me
I suppose I can’t be the one, I suppose it’s a no
How much longer do I have to cry until you’ll love me properly ?

우리 헤어졌어요

2010-01-15T23:56:00.000-08:00

having a busy lifestyle like mine sometimes make

me miss slacking around spending hours just sitting

there and doing NOTHING.

maybe its just me.

my character doesnt allow me to 闲着没事做。

like wanlin like that. when im not doing anything

i will unconsciously feel too free and start finding

things to do. literally 没事找事做。LOL.

but i miss the times when i get to just sit somewhere

ulu and slack, not particularly doing anything,

not particularly thinking about anything,

not worrying that i may have tuition or whatsoever

later,

and just feeling the wind blow in my face.

such a shiok sensation.

especially after feeling bao bao from ice cream! XD

if i was able to show it my face probably will look like this -> :3

enjoyed talking with j, and just randoming talking about

lotsa lotsa things, sitting in the middle of the rooftop

seeing all the tiny (ok maybe not so tiny)

people below going about their own business.

and being contented that for once im not one of the "tiny"

people that i see downstairs rushing around going about

my business.

And most importantly,

enjoying the sky,

(yesh the pretty pretty clouds. pity i didnt bring

my camera)

and feeling the wind. XD

AND the ice cream. XD

nice. i almost died choking on the chilli choc.

LOL. but its an interesting sensation.

sweet and chocolatey and spicy.

and i liked the KOOKIE MONSTER. XD

been a long time since i actually felt myself

fully relax and chill out.

especially after these 2-3 chaotic weeks

i finally feel rested.

after a good chill out session,

much more than my 1 month or

so of holiday.

so it dawned on me yesterday, on the bus home.

That relationships between people are so intricate,

so amazing.

family, friends, strangers, all such a amazing process.

the way strangers smile at each other and small chat

even if they havent met before, and are probably never

going to meet again,

like the many nice aunties who small chat with me at

random places.

the way families usually stick together even though

they probably will hate each other to death if they werent family.

the way friends help and tolerate each other,

(whichever happens more often)

and doing all they can for their friends,

who are a bunch of people that evolved from strangers,

and have no blood relation whatsoever,

but are almost as close as family.

and that people who enjoy being in the company of the other,

whether is it family, friends, even couples,

dont need to purposely find an activity to do together to bond

properly.

its not that its not good to do things together,

just that hanging out,

feeling the wind in the middle of a random rooftop

somewhere,

talking about everything under the sun,

is as good bonding as spending money

to go hang out at maybe a chalet or a theme park.

its not the things that you do with a particular person,

is how you spend time with the person.

you can do practically nothing and still enjoy the experience.

im sure a lot of people, me included,

havent really comprehended this idea yet.

but its an interesting concept. XD

im glad i risked so many things in the process of knowing j.

made me learn alot, grow alot.

the entire idea may seem totally absurd to an outsider.

but as long as im comfortable with it, so be it. XD

accepting her contact,

talking to her on fb,

uncovering somewhat the truth even though i didnt really want to.

at first.

then meeting for ice cream,

going to random rooftops even though i have an acute

phobia of heights.

are risks that i took to uncover this friendship,

moving out of my comfort zone,

but gaining a friend i would never have gotten

if i allowed my fear to get hold of me whenever it did.

maybe this is really growing up,

making initially uncomfortable things feel comfortable

and eventually acceptable.

2010-01-13T10:42:00.000-08:00

today is a long time since i felt gripped by fear.

i have been gripped by fear for a lot of issues,

especially the past year,

when a lot of problems really came out to haunt me.

but never has it been so mind consuming.

i got the msg when i was in vivo about my granddad,

and suddenly i was so overwhelmed by the need to

know what happened to my grandad and what was

the situation like at the hospital.

and yet i couldnt get an answer to a single thing

as the doctor is still checking or the reply came

slightly later.

if the reply took long enough i might have slammed

my phone in anger, maybe.

so much that i felt i couldnt focus on anything around me.

even trying to act normal was a struggle.

THANKS PPL FOR TRYING TO HELP TODAY.

i appreciate the effort.

yeh. if i seemed distracted the last part of the day,

i apologize.

thank god i could concentrate for the maths lecture,

but other than that,

my mind was a blank.haha.

couldnt focus properly on what ppl were asking me,

so i had kinda a slower response today.

didnt even have the tolerance to go for jap

and then check out grandad tmr.

even at the hosp i was blanking out.

goodness.

maybe its cause nowadays my grandad's health

hasnt been fantastic, and frequent trips to the doctor

made me worried,

but i couldnt understand why i was so anxious.

this is not the first time my family member is

in a hospital.

the last time i was anxious, sure.

but i wasnt panicking.

this time,

i could feel my inner self severely panicking from vivo,

all the way to sch,

all the way from sch to the hosp.

maybe i wasnt the calm and composed person i once

knew in secondary school,

that could keep things objective.

Not to say that i was cold and unfeeling,

but not to this extend of feeling so handicappped,

losing control of myself.

2010-01-10T10:23:00.000-08:00

In 2009, I have..

stayed single - for 3 months
got your first kiss
kissed someone new
made out for the first time
made out in a car
kissed in the snow
kissed in the rain
fell in love
fell in love with a fool
had your heart broken
broke someone else’s heart
had a stalker
had a good relationship with someone
got head
questioned your sexual orientation
came out of the closet
gotten pregnant
gotten someone else pregnant
had an abortion
gotten married
had a divorce
had a gay marriage
kissed someone of the same sex
dated someone you’ll never forget
done something you’ve regretted
lost your true love forever (if the person is your true love, you wouldn’t have lost the person. makes sense, no?)
lost faith in love
kissed under mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL
got a promotion
got a pay raise
changed jobs
lost your job
quit your job
dated a co-worker
dated your boss
dated your boss’ daughter/son
got fired from your job
got straight A’s
met one teacher you really like
met one teacher you really hated
found the subject you love
failed a class
cut class
skipped school
got into a fight with a classmate
did something you were proud of
discovered a new talent
gave the teachers a reason to teach
proved yourself an idiot
embarrassed yourself in front of the class
fell in love with a teacher
got a part in the school play
made a varsity team
were involved in something you’ll never forget

OTHERS
painted a picture
wrote a poem
ran a mile
listened to music you couldn’t stand
double-dipped
skinny-dipped
went to a sleepover
went to camp
threw a surprise party
laughed till you cried

cried till you laughed

flirted shamelessly
visited a foreign country
visited a foreign state
cooked a disastrous meal
lost something important to you
got a gift you adore
realized something new about yourself
went on a diet
tried to gain weight
dyed your hair
came close to losing your life
someone close to you died
reunited with a friend
made an accomplishment that shocked everyone
realized your truest friends
told a secret that would ruin your life if revealed
threw a wild party
went to a wild party
drank alcohol
drank alcohol underage
did drugs
got drunk
got arrested
read a great book
saw a great movie
saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
saw your favorite band/artist live
saw someone famous in person
did something you want to tell everyone

kopped from jeanette's blog. realised i needed to update my 2009 year and what i did,

what i learnt, experienced, cried for, laughed for.

sch starts tmr. OH GOD.

Suddenly i missed him again yesterday.

Couldnt understand why. I was rushing proposal, and normally when im

rushing stuff im in such a state of stress nothing much emotional can come in.

And he managed to barge in like that... =.=

even though i was busy and desperately didnt need that at all.

i just suddenly recalled a lot of things that happened. From jc1 till the first part

of this year. How things have changed, how is it going to be like if things

happened differently. If i was more tolerant. If i was more understanding.

Will the ending be still the same?

It might, since our characters are really quite different,

expectations different, what we want in life, what we pursue.

Somehow this time round it hurt much more than the first time.

maybe its cause you touched my heart, maybe its cause i put

in too much of myself. I have never felt that it was so difficult to

forget a person, forget the past. It used to be so easy to lock it

all away but now i cant seem to do that anymore.

i lock it away and threw away the key.

but somehow the door will reopen on its own.

i should get over this and shut up about it already.

i know i know. im trying to walk out of the r/s now.

i wish it was that easy, that i can just pop a pill and choose

to forget a certain part of my memory, that happens to

contain you.

i miss you.

did you take care of yourself in camp?

did you read my xmas card?

have you found someone else to take care of you?

but i guess, all these questions i cant ask,

or bother about. and it doesnt matter anyway.

Lee Hyori - Scolded Lyrics

myuhn doh neun kkohk hae yah hae yo SHIRTS neun neul goo geem uhp shee kuh peen hah roo hahn jahn dahm bae johm joo ree goh maep goh jjahn eum sheek eun pi hae yo ee jeh geu dae doh hohn jah nahm neun yuhn seu beul hae yah jyo...

nah uhp dah goh sool muhk jee mahl goh nee moh meun nee gah johm duh chaeng gee rahn mahl yah bah boh chuh ruhm ddoh chahm jee mahl goh moo seun mahl ee rah doh hah rahn mahl yah nah uhp dah goh ah peu jee mahl goh bah beun kkohk chaeng gyuh muhk goh dah nee rahn mahl yah buhn guh rohp goh gwee chah nah doh boo tahk hae yo...

ApGu jung jah joo gah jee mahl ah yo yeh ppeun yuh jah mah nah bool ahn hae yo sang nyang hahn yuh jah neun juhl bahn ee dah nae soong ee eh yo hahn noon pahl jee mahl ah yo dah boh goh ee ssuh yo...

(sarang mah buh bae sarang jahl hahl soo eet jyo mee duh yo) nahm gyuh jeel geu dae gah guhk jung ee jyo...

jee geum kkah jee jahn soh ree mahn hah goh geu dae uhl gool moht boh goh ddahn soh ree mahn hae yo nae gah moht nah sseul ddae mahn gee uhk hae jwuh yo geu ree goh nahl eet neun yuhn seu beul hae yah hae yo dah shee hahn buhn mahl hae yo ah peu jee mahl goh bah beun kkohk chaeng gyuh muhk goh dah nee rahn mahl yah buhn guh rohp goh gwee chah nah doh boo tahk hae yo...

jahn soh ree mahn hah goh gah neh yo mee ahn hae yo

You have to shave Keep your shirts wrinkle free, One cup of coffee per day Try to stop smoking and avoid salty and spicy foods You have to, now, practice being alone too.

Don't start drinking because I'm no longer there I mean, Look after yourself Don't be a fool and keep everything in Say what you want to say Don't be sick because I'm no longer there Don't skip any meals Even if this is all annoying and you can't be bothered, please..

Don't go to Apgujong too much There are too many pretty girls there, it makes me worry/anxious Affectionate and kind women are usually two faced Don't cheat on anyone, I'm watching everything

I have only been nagging you till now I can't look at your face and i've been saying other things Just remember when I was ugly and bad and practice forgetting me

I will say it once more Don't be sick and don't skip any meals Even if this is all annoying and you can't be bothered, please.. I have only been nagging you before I leave Sorry...

2010-01-04T09:39:00.000-08:00

sometimes friends who dont know me

well will ask me why am i always

unable to appear for outings.

because im always tied down by family?

needing to be there to be mediator,

to pei my mum when everyone else

at home is busy,

to take care of my grandparents when

all the adults are too busy to...

thats why i always cannot go out often.

i know it irritates my mum so i try not

to go out often if i can help it.

and times when i pangsei my friends

and totally cannot get out of the house

also happens far often than not.

do i feel irritated?

if i dont i must be god.

but i cant not help.

like when my friends are in need i know

i have to help. same and simple logic.

the frustration i feel when i arrange to

go out and in the end have to throw

feathers at people is not nice.

even worse when they start accusing

me of being irresponsible cause they

dont understand.

but its my job.

i cant run away.

even if i dont like it sometimes.

i dont have a choice.

who likes to sacrifice going out

to settle family problems?

to be hounded when your trying

to study for your major exams.

everyone has their own problems.

i know.

i just happen to have larger scaled ones.

shrug.

2010-01-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

i never felt myself as one to be superstitious.

but after seeing the astrology report,

i cant help but feel shocked.

its as if my life was planned out by the

stars like people said, and not decided

by me and the actions i took.

and not only that,

looking at the compatibility report

just got me totally crushed.

and made me feel that i should have seen

this a long time ago.

no to see that we will not turn out well

after all, but to anticipate the tensions and

the conflicts before it happened.

but now its too late.

i guess it doesnt even matter anymore.

2010-01-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

the year 2009 to me,

wasnt all that great.

it was the first time, (no. first THREE times)

i cried in public. like namely at suntec,

in ang mo kio, and suntec again.

in the middle of the linkway from the mrt.

first time i ever felt so vulnerable in my life,

first time i realise, i wasnt as strong as i was

when i was in cedar. that i couldnt get over

things as quickly as i wanted to.

the first time i mugged so hard,

but no satisfaction comes from my grades.

a lot of first times, and all not fantastic things.

but i learnt a lot, and i grew stronger. (hopefully)

as much as i dont really like 2009,

but the year has taught me a lot,

through experience learning,

things i can never learn from sch, learn from parents,

learn from talking to people.

Things i can only learn from first falling,

and then picking up myself up.

and putting plasters myself,

and waiting for the wounds to heal.

even so, i really hoped the last day of the year,

31 Dec 2009,

will be a good day,

a better day than the 364 days before.

apparently it was not,

and i cant help but feel disappointed.

and i hoped 1st Jan 2010,

will be a good day,

so i can finally put away the 365 not so

fantastic days of my life.

but it wasnt a fantastic day either.

no it wasnt horrible,

but it was just neutral i guess.

what i can only do for myself,

is hope the rest of the 364 days

will be happier, at least comparative to 2009.

i wun be naive to think the year will be

uneventful and will pass by peacefully

like what i wish it to,

but at least im able to handle the problems

confidently, without much distress.

and hopefully without being too upset

over the whole issue.

i hope i have a happier 364 days of this year. :D

2009-12-23T10:15:00.000-08:00

totally drained out today.

whole day packed.

since sch hols started,

its been so long since i felt so busy.

recently things have really not been going

on well at all.

maybe its cause everything is

cropping up at the same period.

like what people say:

祸不单行。

problems always come in a package.

never alone.

i tink a lot of things are affecting me

yesterday and today.

hence the mini emo session on the

train today.

i almost teared.

i could feel the tears come all the

way to the edge,

and i was struggling the whole

train trip.

not to cry again in a public location.

lucky in the end i held it in.

worse is so many things are going on,

i cant even pinpoint what exactly made

me so upset on the train.

grandad's eye check up,

and then the operation today,

and the mini squabbles from before

operation to after operation,

my cap, adding to me RAWR-ness,

the fact yesterday was 2212,

yes 2212,

and just a general 无奈感

but a lot of things.

i admit im disappointed with my cap.

missed my aim by a tiny bit.

but oh well.

cant help it.

just work harder next sem i guess.

2212.

everytime i see the shirt i made with elina,

i feel so upset,

but i cant bear to throw away the shirt.

i hope he didnt.

but i can only hope.

i dunno what elina did with her shirt.

but somehow,

the shirt has the ability to hide itself

somewhere in my cupboard i rarely see.

cause apparently,

after sept,

the shirt more or less disappeared,

and only appeared occasionally.

and i used to wear it all the time.

maybe its scared i might really

chuck it away.

after writing the xmas card today

i realised im not a person who can hide

things well.

maybe if im upset its diff to see.

but everything else is clear in the open.

cause i dunno how to keep things in one.

and even if i tried hard to not show it,

its quite obvious im not exactly

happy on the xmas card.

and i had a temptation to chuck away

the card on the way to the postbox.

but oh well.

i lazy to get another card so i figured just

send lor.

and the songs on my phone,

aka. mp3 player,

is not helping things at all.

esp yest and today.

hear alr.

i feel worse.

that day i walked pass suntec.

so long never go.

walked pass marvelous cream,

and the escalator.

the escalator where i cried,

where i pushed him away,

and the park near the esplanade

where we talked.

everytime i walk pass places like

these,

these images just keep flooding me.

till i leave the place.

its like somenever ending movie

reel that just never runs out until i

leave the particular location.

and sometimes as my parents shop,

its a bit impossible to go

"imgoingelsewherefindmelater"

and just do a disappearing act

there and then.

going pass simei is worse.

is like i can feel my heart being

wrenched out,

while the train passes simei mrt.

lucky i dont go there often.

i might just collapse one of these days.

2009-12-22T06:20:00.000-08:00

when i saw my grade,

i wasnt really stunned.

kind of expected.

but i was hoping it wun be like that.

oh well.

what to do.

same as always since secondary school.

for some reason my humanities never

neeeded much of an effort,

and its always my sciences and maths,

i mugged damn hard and yet always get

the same grades.

not the first time anymore.

but i missed my aim by a 0.1.

yesh i know grades are NOT that important.

is learning the skills,

is picking up the knowledge,blahhdah blahhdah.

but still will feel @_@ one.

try harder next sem.

OH WELL.

T.T

2009-12-20T09:29:00.000-08:00

editted one of the photos i took in genting

and i got... THISSSSSS...

TADAAAAAAAAAA.

haha. i like lomography pictures.

give you the retro feel.

like you'll always be in the same age,

like a small kid forever in the same era,

or like 小丸子, who never seems to be able to

grow pass primary school.

2009-12-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

shouldnt have sms-ed today. shouldnt have known i will start to emo.

oh well. whats done's done.

whats worse is that he was being nice.

didnt not reply,

didnt say anything mean.

but i still felt like crying.

so stupid. sigh.

somehow when it comes to him,

tears are like free.

3 months has passed.

i feel much better,

but sometimes i feel that nothing much has changed

from 3 months ago.

sigh.

What Do I Do Lyrics (JiSun) BOF OST lyrics

kudaen nomu tang-yeonhan-deut
oneul naege anbu-reul munneyo
nan keu-jo jal jinaen-dahaet-jyo
kudaen cheongmal nal nomu mo-reu-jyo
kudae-obshi tto naega
kwaen-chanheul got kannayo
kudaeneun na obshi kwaenchanh-nayo
tangshin-omneun sesangi
nomudo him-deu-ro-seo
sumshwi-neun nareul wonmang-haet-jyeo

otteokhajyo
ajikdo nan
kudae hanmadiye
busojineun harureul sarayo
kudae naege mal haebwayo
ireo-neun-ge jakku oneunji
kudae tto nacheoreom haruga
apeugo tto apeunji
marhaebwayo kudaewa na

imi nomu nucheonnayo
uri tashi kihwe-neun eom-nayo
ajik kudael saeng-gakhaeyo
kudaen ama alchido moreujyo
kyeol-gugireon-gan-gayo
ireohke kkuchin-gayo
kudaeman idaero kwaen-chanh-nayo
nan andwel got kateunde
kudae-gateun sarangeul
chugodo naegen obseul tende

otteokhajyo
nae maeumeun
kudae animyeon nugudo
anajulsu opseultende
jebal nareul jabajweoyo
aljanhayo
tan hansaram amuri aesseodo
kudaereul ji-ulsuga optdan-geol
jebal nareul chabajweoyo

otteokhajyo
ajikdo nan
kudae hanmadiye
busojineun harureul sarayo
kudae naege mal haebwayo
ireo-neun-ge jakku oneunji
kudae tto nacheoreom haruga
apeugo tto apeunji
marhaebwayo kudaewa na

imi nomu nucheonnayo
uri tashi kihwe-neun eom-nayo
ajik kudael saeng-gakhaeyo
kudaen ama alchido moreujyo

English version:
You ask me how my day was as if it is same everyday
I say Im okay but you really dont know how I feel
Do you think Ill be okay without you?
Are you okay without me?
The world without you is so hard that I blame myself for still breathing

What should I do?
Even now, I live each painful days because of your words
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me

Are we too late?
Dow we not have a chance?
I still think about you and you might know this
Finally is it this?
Are we going to end like this? Is it okay with you?
I dont think I can do it.
The love I find with you, I wont find it anywhere even if I die

What should I do?
If it isnt you no one else can hold my heart
Please hold me.
And you know that even though the whole world tries to
No one can erase your memories.
So please hold me

What should I do?
Even now, I live each painful days because of your words
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me

Is it too late?
Do we not have a chance?
But me, I still think about you, and you might not know.

2009-12-15T10:13:00.001-08:00

i want my jacket back.):

my baobei cedar jacket.

the last batch of dark blue jackets.

unlike the newer yellow urghhh jackets.

cedarrr jackettttttttttttt.

ohno.

what if its been thrown away? DX

sian.

just thought about it today.

i changed so much since secondary sch.

far so much.

essentially im still me.

still the same core.

but it seems like my shell has been shed.

and a new shell has grown.

i used to be so defensive.

setting up a wall against everyone.

didnt let my emotions cross that wall.

its generally kept within control.

even if im upset,

it seems as though im a person with

not much of an emotion.

and that changed,

i became more trusting.

became more vulnerable.

i dont know if its a good thing.

but that is besides the point.

good or not,

ive changed anyway.

i used to keep my problems to myself.

now i do share.

and the one time i felt the most hopeless.

the worse period i went thru in this year,

i didnt receive the help i asked for.

even though i was stubborn,

and i used to build a wall.

but i shed that wall.

to ask for help.

and i was denied that help.

i know it may not be your fault.

that u probably feel as helpless as

i did.

but i believed in you.

despite my reservations due to

my past experiences,

i believed in you,

more than one time,

even though i told myself not

to ever be so trusting to people.

i still fell for it.

and i believed,

even though no one else could help,

at least you could.

at least i believed in it.

and i got a reply of "i dont know how"

and somehow,

i never really recovered from that.

and now.

i feel like a coward.

hiding myself.

so i wun bug u.

so i wun try to meet you or see you.

so i wun try to call.

so i wun sms u things that i dont meant to

have said.

but said in a bout of uncontrolled temper

and spite.

and that has never happened before.

for one of the first time in my life.

im behaving strangely out of character,

since the start of this year.

never been so coward,

never been so timid,

never been so afraid of someone's opinion of me

before.

hiding myself in sch,

at home,

in my own shell,

preventing myself from going out of control.

somehow,

when it comes to you,

my emotions get out of control so easily,

by the time i realise,

my emotional swing is already over,

and i have already done things i didnt want

to in the first place.

and thats why im hiding.

i duno why i even blog all these,

cause you probably dont even read,

you dont even care anymore i guess.

its probably like im non existent.

maybe its just an emotional release.

so i wun blow up like some volcano due to

pent up emotions.

2009-12-08T09:27:00.000-08:00

Its sad when people you know become

people you knew.

- kopped from jeanette's blog -

how someone can once be a stranger to you,

someone you never knew well,

and after 3 words,

become a large part of your life.

become a large source of your joy,

a large part of your memories,

a bond you never expected to be so strong.

and after another 3 words,

the bond breaks.

and its like 2 strangers again.

like you never knew each other,

after all the pain, laughter, joy, arguments,

its like your invisible.

or maybe non existent.

because it hurts so much you cant even talk properly.

(or maybe not.it might be cause someone

else came along the way.)

and all these,

makes everyone's lives both enjoyable, memorable,

but hurting, and unforgettable.

and yet everyone still hungers over love.

its amazing how 3 words can change your life so much.

its like a roller coaster ride.

just as you realise this is the peak,

that you cant be happier,

life throws a boulder at you,

and down you go.

all the way to the valley you fall.

and no one is there to catch you

when you fall.

i tink being too free is a hazard too.

gives me too much free time to think

about stuff i swept under the carpet and

hid there so i can concentrate on my finals.

and now its all back to haunt me.

when will these ever end.

will i be able to forget again?

2009-12-05T08:43:00.000-08:00

唱k 的那天，

那个我不想要有的感觉

又出现了。

虽然我已经努力在

不要让这种感觉出现。

可是有时就是控制不了。

一年多。

放进去的感情，

的心思，

即使我想忘记，

实际上，

我也知道

没有这么容易。

我之前认为

我不会再让他影响我。

可能是我自己

在自欺欺人。

可能这辈子，

我都回被影响，

可是至少，

在未来的以后，

我应该已经淡化了一切。

已经不会应为看到

某些事，

某些东西，

某些人，

而再次有这种感觉。

2009-11-26T10:03:00.000-08:00

走出一段感情需要多少勇气？

要让自己确定，不能再这样下去。

提出来，承担责任。

承受纠缠。

终于让自己面对后，

要让自己习惯一个人的生活。

要面对一个人自己，不像以前有人陪的生活。

然后就要让回忆慢慢淡化。

不要再想，

不要再哭，在伤心流泪，

在偷偷得躲在一旁观望。

直到有一天，

你突然发现很久没有想起他，

你应该就有够勇气走出这段感情。

朋友，

够了，

再多的泪水，

再多的痛苦，

都会过去的。

不要再这样下去。

至少我现在觉得

我已经在康复当中，

你也可以的。